We all want to know how it ends...

To tell you the truth I've been avoiding everything. Every feeling I don't want to feel, I've been pushing away until it eats me away from the inside out. I don't want to live this way, it's not by choice, it's just a habit I've developed over the years. A strategy to stay calm, cool, and collected. The problem is? It's working. I don't want to be the girl that keeps crying over the same things, but I can't bottle these things up anymore, and I'm not even going to try. I need to learn how to admit that things bother me, and I'm going to start now. 

Whenever something good happens in my life, someone takes it away. Am I seriously not allowed to be happy? I have the most severe feeling of anger I've felt in a long time boiling in my heart, and I can't help it. Look, I'm sorry I'm not perfect, but I'm not your freaking daughter. I am who I am, and if you can't accept that then I'm done with you.

"A guy out there was meant to be the love of your life. Your best friend, your soul mate, the one you can tell your dreams to. He'll brush the hair out of your eyes, send you flowers when you least expect it. He'll stare at you during the movies, even though he just paid $8 to see it. He'll call to say goodnight or just cause he is missing you. He'll look in your eyes and tell you, 'you're the most beautiful girl in the world,' and for the first time in your life, you'll believe it." 
-Nicholas Sparks

So, I guess my point of adding this quote wasn't because I feel this way about someone- though I really do- but to tell you that I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this, but I would just like you to know that you're beautiful and someone out there cares about you. I'm not saying we all have a secret admirer, or even an obvious one, I'm just saying that someone cares about you. Maybe it's not who you want, or in the way that you want, but in this messed up world we have to take what we can get. You never really know what's right for you until you let it happen; Then suddenly the purpose is clear, and you can be okay. Smile, alright? Life is too short to be unhappy. Some people learn this the hard way, but take it from me- you don't have to. Maybe you don't care about who likes you and wants to be in your life, that's fine, but loneliness is never good for anybody. People make the mistake of saying "I want to be alone right now," and maybe that's how they feel at the time, but no one ever really needs to be alone, and you can't always get what you want. You know, half of life is messing up, and the other half is dealing with it. It's not that we're all screw ups (though most of us feel that way all the time), it's about learning that life is full of hellos and goodbyes, and how to deal with what comes in between. It's about learning that you'll make a mistake every once in a while, and though you can't change it, it's never to late to fix it. It's about learning that life simply wants to slap you in the face...but only for your own good. Look, we're all addicted to something that takes away the pain. Let it be drinking, drugs, cutting, writing, reading, music, working, taking a bath, everyone has their own way of coping with life. It's not always good, but it's what we know how to do. It's our "plan b" when life doesn't go the way we planned. So you can sit here and ignore me, but if you've read this far then you know that this means something to you. I don't care what it is, just trust me on this one last thing: you're not alone.

It took me some time to update on my post because I'm kinda sick, sort off hahah. it's like monday sickness :) shhhhhh...  :))))))))))