Well, see I had a lot in my mind today. But because I'm busy I can't remember where they go have you seen them? hahah :)) Im dedicating this post to one of my favorite cousin. I know she'd been going through some sort of problems and challenges, and I want to let her know that though life sucks, there wll always be a person you can lean whenever your life is messed up.
It's easy to judge someone, but it's exhausting to constantly be around people who don't like you every single weekend. When you work hard at being yourself- as you have always been taught to do- your character is always at risk of being judged. You make 10 good decisions that go unnoticed, and what sticks out, what matters most is the one bad decision you have made. I'm not sure if this is just one case of people who don't like me or if I truly cannot do anything right, but whatever it is is wearing me down immensely. It feels like I can't do anything right. I used to be so good at everything but lately it seems as though everything I do ends up backfiring no matter how good I feel about it. There is a constant wetness to my eyes, a layer of tears always screaming to escape but I can't cry. I have to be strong because even if they don't like me, I like them and I don't want to ruin that. Besides, I don't want to ruin my eyeliner.
"Running was the only thing on my mind, and the only thing I wanted to do. If I walked for a short moment I started to run again. I wanted to run away from everything I've ever known, anyone Id ever loved. I needed to get away. I had to get away fast before reality pulled me back. I didnt want to belong anywhere, I wanted to be a figment of someones imagination. I wanted to disappear from this earth, I wanted to stop living, I wanted to stop existing. But really all I wanted was someone to wrap there arms around me. I wanted someone to tell me they loved me and wanted to be with me. Thats all I've ever wanted. Now that's exactly what I have..."
It's so hard to believe that only two years ago I was an empty shell. Unhappy, dark, trapped. Two years ago I felt insane and wanted nothing to do with myself. I wanted so badly to get out of my skin. Today, two years later, I am the happiest I have ever been. It took so much time and energy and a lot of hard work to get where I am today but it was all worth it. I'm slowly starting to love myself again. My whole life I have been trying to figure out who I am, and even though I'm pretty sure I'll never quite know who that is I'm happy with the person I am becoming. I've learned so much about who I am and who I want to be, and it's really paying off.
I read her blog and somehow I can relate to what she'd been going thru. I know she's strong enough, a lot stronger than me besides she's beautiful and a got a lot of talent, she can face all this struggles. Although I'm not always by your side always keep in mind that I will always be there through thick and thin. You can lean on me. :)) I miss you :)
"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust then, too- even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."
This post is dedicated to Ms. Arianne Villarosa:
Hugs and kisses,
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