So I run, and I run, and I run and all the while I think about how my feet are carrying me around this small track, and why I haven't passed out yet. Never does is cross my mind that in four hours I'll feel a whole part of me is missing, and I'll know exactly why because it's my fault... I don't understand myself, nor do I pretend to. I have these thoughts that intertwine themselves around my brain and suddenly I'll wonder how they got there. Do I even know what they mean? Usually no. Doesn't matter? Probably not.
You know that moment when you wake up and realize the nights not over? I feel like I keep waking up from this dream, but life isn't over so I go back to sleep. It's like I'm hovering through life, doing what I'm supposed to. Lately the only thing I'm doing in contrast to this is running, which I'm doing solely for me. I'm not good at it, and that's okay because when I'm running nothing else matters. The world turns inside out and all of the stressful add ons disappear. It's me, my uneven breathing, and each foot that goes in front of the other, pushing me forward.
I have no idea what to write. My brain is thinking faster than my fingers can type, but I need to write something. Anything. It's been so long since I've written on my blog regularly and I miss it so much. It's like a piece of me is missing and I'm so lonely without it, but as soon as I sit down to write...nothing.
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| I got a new haircut :) |
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