Time was never our friend..

I'm scared that I'm going to end up alone. I'm scared that I'm always going to be somebody's friend, or sister, or confident, never quite somebody's everything. Mostly I'm scared I'm never going to find a guy that I love as much as I love you.

Bakit ganun pag matibay tau alm n alm ntin ssbhn para maibangon sila pero pag tau mahina pra taung bulag di natin alm san pupunta, at ganun ang nraramdaman ko ngayon. Daig ko pa bulag at bingi :( Masasabi ko na napaka hina ko ngayon, kse nrramdam ko nnaman ang mga bagay na ayaw ko maramdaman. Kagabi pra akong nauulol na sa dami ng mga pumapasok sa isip ko, hndi ko alam kung bakit. Naisip ko bgla paulit ulit nnaman eto nnaman Lord, pnparusahan nnaman yta ako :(

Pero sa kabila nito, nagawa ko na pigilan ang sarili ko hahaha sa mga bagay na pumapasok sa isip ko ksi alam ko pag nagawa ko nnaman yun, mag aaway at magaaway lang kami. Gustong gusto ko na wag na lang isipin ang bagay na ngpapahirap skn sbi nga ng kapatid ko edi ibreak mo na para wla kna problema. hahaha sana gnun lng kdali un pero bukod sa tkot ako mag isa, tkot ako na bka nde na ako makahanp ng katulad nya pambihira naman oh.

At dahil jan my nabasa nnaman ako.
"JESUS COMMANDS MY DESTINY… no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand…. 
For I am His and He is mine
…
Here in the love of Christ I stand"

Bigla ako nagdasal kagabi, lahat ng ito ay di ko karapat dapat matanggap pero napakabuti ng puso mo para ilagay ako sa posisyong ito para ipakita ang iyong kagandahan… sasabog na yata ang puso ko sa tuwa… Sa gitna nito bigyan Mo ako ng lakas para di ka malimot sa bawat sandali at maalala ko na ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit ba ako sumulpot sa planetang earth,may tyansa na malimot kita pag sobrang ligaya ko at di ko iyong saiyo maitatago dahil alam mo lahat ng bagay na nasa puso at isip ko… kaya Ama binababa ko ang aking sarili para sabihing kainin mo ako ng presensya mo… mahal kita…

Kaya ngayon, narealize ko umuulan, haha umuulan ng pagibig nya kht hndi ako mahalin ng taong mahal ko, bsta nrrmadaman ko na mahal ako ni God, higit pa sa napaka sya ang pkrmadam ko , daig ko pa bngyan ng ice cream at my extra pang limang piso hahaha :D Kampante na ako kung ano ang nasakin ngayon.

Gusto ko ishare ang mga stolen moments ko sa aking special na kaibigan na bngy ni God skn :D

Siya po si BUCH o kya mnsan c BOOGIE hahaha ♥
Love na love ko po yan :D
Thank you Lord kse bngy nyo sya skn....


The greatest part of life is finding someone who knows all of your faults & weaknesses, but still thinks you're amazing.

Insensitive

"The more you grow up, the more you'll realize that you've outgrown some things/habits. But you will smile when you think of them."

Nabasa ko lang :) kanina umaga sympre late ako nasa jeep ako may mga kasabay ako na mga HIGHSCHOOL student siguro mga 4th year na sila kung hindi ako ngkakamali, papunta sila sa San Sebastian College. Habang titignan ko sila naalala ko nung ako ay highschool din, parang namimis ko maging teenager ksi parang dko yun naranasan before, bukod sa strict ko ng nanay idamay mo na din ang katabaan ko in other words, hindi ako kapansin pansin...... :( Parang pag dating ng college dun ko na naisipan na magpapayat at mag ayos.. kse college na eh dpat my lovelife na hahah :D Naging kami nman ng boyfriend ko ay 1st year college ako db ang bilis hahaha :D Edi ayun nga tntgnan ko ang mga bagets naiimagine ko bagets din ako heheh.. joke sympre naiicp ko na nalampasan ko na pla ung stage na yun? na ang tanging problema ay ang bagsak na grade sa isang subject o di kaya wlang project na masusubmit kse dpa tpos. Or di naman kya ang hndi pag pansin ni crush at hndi pagtabi ng bestfriend mo syo yung mga gnung bagay? hehehe eh lahat yun pnroblema ko dati dko akalain na sobrang gaan ng mga prob na yun kompara sa mga problema ko ngaun. Parang ang sarap maging bagts ult sisiw mga problema na yun hahaha :D

Highschool friends :D

A thousand times I've failed..

keroberos from comic alley

Ang cute nya noh? Sya si Keroberos, habang nglilibot ako sa Festival Mall, nakita ko ito sa Comic Alley :) naalala ko tuloy ang kabataan ko, siguro 1st year highschool ako nun paboriton ko ang cartoons, lalo na yung Card captor SAKURA haha sympre andun si keroberos. :) ang cute nya. Nainlove din ako sa cartoons haha kay lee shaoran ung partner ni sakura hehehe dko nga alam ang weird ko pla dti hahaha ;))

What makes you smile?

Pag nakikita ko sya :D

Ask me anything

If you would to choose between your bestfriend or boyfriend?

If you would to choose between your bestfriend or boyfriend?

Answer here

The not so perfect moment...

Minsan kahit anong plano natin noh? pero pag nakausap natin magulang natin parang lahat nag iiba… kase minsan parang mas maganda parin idea nila… Nabasa ko lang. At nkta ko na tama pero sa lhat ng decisyon ko hnding hndi pde dko maiisip ang magulang ko. Sa totoo lang hndi ko sinusunod payo nila ahaha minsan oo cguro... 

Narealize ko napa random ko talagang tao. Ang daming laman ng utak ko ngayon at mju frustrated pero pnplit ko padin maging positive hahaha! my problema ksi ako at dahil yun sa maling pagdedecisyon ko. Parang kahit anung gawin kong pagdadasal hndi cnsgot ni God. Gsto ko magtnung wer na u God? hehee haaay :((

Kanina my ka chat akong bata, sympre si MR. D.O ayun ung puppy love ko, ewan dko sya makalimutan dahil ba sa nabitin ako sa love story kuno namen? ewan ko ba? In the first place parang umasa lang ako na akala ko sya ung bbgay ni God sakin para kalimutan ko na si RC kasi msama n nga ang nadudulot nya sakin, pero knuha din naman agad sya bka pang sabik lang ni God sakin. hahaha! haaay. Aun simpleng HI and Hello lang ngyre wlang kung anu man npagusapan besides mukang msaya naman sya ngayon. Kya wla nko plano para sumiksik pa sa mundo nya :)

Kanina rin, late ako. ayun lalo ako nafrustrate :) idagdag mo pa ang tambak kong trabaho, at idagdag mo na din ang pag twag ng meeting nga mga boss mo para sa mga concern nila syo. Kung baso nga ako kanina umaapaw na ako sa dami ng concerns sakin tska ko naisip napaka immature kong tao. I'm not growing :(( Kya naisip ko its time for a change and that change is for the better not for bitter hahahah ;)) Natuwa nman ako sa cnbi ng boss ko, "ALAM KO NAMAN PDE KA PA MAGIMPROVE" tama? ahaha ang bait ni Mam tlga, my twala sya skn. :)) well dko sya bbiguin :)) Ttry ko maging workaholic :)

Sana... bukas ok na ang lahat :))

The art losing myself in bringing your praise.

si LALA gusto sa kama matulog :)

Minsan ang hirap humarap sa salamin at tanggaping nalulungkot ka... na pakiramdam mo parang gusto mo na lang maglaho bgla. Minsan naiisip ko bakit sa dinami dami problema bakti eto pa ang naisip ibigay ng Diyos sa akin. Choosy pa eh noh hahaha! ;)) Naisip ko din, bakit ako bnbgyan ng ganitong problema kung hndi ko naman kya malampasan hndi naman siguro ako balak torturin ni God db? Pero sa totoo lang nahihirapan ako infairness ha? hahaha :)

Habang ngttrabaho ako ngiisip ako ng pwede kong ishare, habang ngiisip nkikinig ako ng version ni YENG ng hillsong, "From the inside out" isa sa mga paborito kong hillsong :) maganda ang version ni YENG napapluha ako ksi namimis ko mag Praise and worship sa church ung tipong kanta to da max :)

Nabasa ko ung mga past post ko dito sa blog ko at napansin kong napaka random at msyadong emo emohan hahaha :) bakit hndi na lng ako mag share ng mga masasayang bagay? Parang ang hirap db? Ksi pag nbsa mo lang un pag dating ng panahon baka madepressed ka lalo ksi ssabhn mo buti pa dti? tama? Eh kung puro malungkot yung tipong parang pinagsakluban ka n ng langit at lupa sa hirap ng pinagdadaan mo pag nabsa mo man ulit ito someday, mapapangiti ka at masasabi mo "Ay nagawa ko yun?" tama? Ang galing talaga ni God. Napaka henyo nya. :))

Sa totoo lang naiingit ako sa mga taong single sila pero masaya sila, ung tipong naka focus sila kay God. Sinurrender nila ang lovelife nla kay God, nagtiwala sila. Bakit ako hndi ko mgwang isuko ang lahat sa kanya. Ung tipong nggwa ko naman pero pag ngwa ko na parang binabawi ko din kasi hndi ko kya. Nkakainis dba? Adik yta ako. Yung isang part ng lyrics sa song "Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise" Pag nadidinig ko na parang gusto ko humagolgol na parang ewan. Tama yung phrase na yun, ang purpose natin sa mundo ay to praise him and worship him and to serve him. Hindi importante kung anung meron tayo ngayon, kung my boyfriend tyo na super gwapo, hindi natin kelangan ipleasse lahat ng tao para lng magustuhan tayo. Hindi natin mgpaganda para my magmahal satin. Kung hindi natin ggawin ang purpose natin lalo tayo massktan. Ngayon palang nga sobra na akong nsasaktan ksi hndi ko sinusunod kung anu gsto ni God na gawin ko sa mundo. Hndi ako makapghintay, dahil ang totoo my time pra mgng msya. At if ever na mtagpuan natin yun forever happiness naman ang mararansan natin worth all the pain. Kasama narin dyan ang pagreject syo ng mga taong gusto mo, ung tipong ssabihin nila syo kapag binbida mo ang mga gnawa ni God sa buhay mo "Baliw ka na" ung mga tipong "Baduy mo" at ddating sa point na iiwasan ka na nila. Minsan naranasan ko na din yan, at take note kung sino pa yung tao na pnahahalgahan mo yun pa ung ggwa nun syo. Masakit sakin sympre mahal ko sya eh, kya hndi ko na pnilit ung point ko kasi hndi rin naman sya naniniwala. At dahil dun prang nreject ko ndin si God sa buhay ko. Sobrang maling mali ako, at ngayon ang dami ko narealize, "A thousand times I've failed, Still your mercy remains" nakakarelate din ako sa lyrics na to, kahit ilang beses ako mgkasala sknya andyan parin sya sa tabi ko inlalayan. One time kasi ngkaproblema akong napakabigat, wla naman akong ibang mpagsabihan kundi si God, humingi ako ng tulong sknya actually tnry ko lang naman eh, kung hndi nya ko sagutin mttnggap ko pero iba tlga sya dninig nya ung mga dasal ko. Sobrang sisi tuloy ako bakit nagdoubt ako sa Love nya. Naiiyak ako every night habang ngkkwento sknya. Naging positive ako in every challenges na dumating araw araw. Yung tipong my reason ako sa lahat ng problema ko pero positive in a way. Example, mag-isa ako galit sakin boyfriend ko, ssabhn ko kay God cguro po kaya sya glit kse po pra kayo naman ang kwentuha ko at bgyan ng oras. Infairness kahit magkagalit kami ni BF msya ako ksi pnsya ako ni God dko alam kung pno pero iba plramdam ko that time :)

Pero minsan naisip ko kung alam ni God na lagi ako nasasaktan dahil saknya, bakit andyan parin sya di parin bnbawi sa akin? anu kyang purpose? Hndi ko maintindhan kung pra kmi sa isa't isa o pagsubok lang o tlgang my purpose ang lahat? Hndi ko masabi pero isa ito sa mga mgppray ko :)

If you have God in your life YES you have everything!

Hello! Parang gusto ko magsulat ng Taglish ngayon try ko lang baka sa mga next post ko taglish na ang ilalagay ko kasi mas naeexpress ko ang gsto ko sabhin. :)

Kagabi wala kami magawa ng mga super friends ko na bagets, nagbabaraha lng kami at since lagi ko sila natatalo umayaw sila, ngyaya ung isa ng mag internet na lng. Edi nginternet kami, ako ung usual na gngawa ko pag nkakapag surf sa net, ngffacebook, ngtttwitter, at sympre inaayos ang pnakamamahal kong blog :) kaso yun lng tnamad ako kaya nkapgchat na lng ako sa facebook. Ka chat ko ung isa kong super friendship na si JASMIN, at nkwento ko kung gaano ako naiingit sa status ng relationship nya ngayon. Maganda sya, at sympre maganda din nman ako haahahah pareho kami sympre. Napagusapan namin ung problema ko na matagal ko nang dnadaing haha. about him sympre. Nasabi ko na gaano ko gustong wag na lng mahalin ang taong paulit ulit akong cnasaktan, pnapahrirapan at etc. pero kahit ano pang daing ko sya pa din naman ang taong mkakapagpasaya sa akin. Ayun muka tuloy akong tanga ngayon hahahah aywan ko nga ba. Dumating pa sa point na mumurahin ko na sarili ko sa saobrang katangahan at kagagahan ko. Gumawa pa ako ng blog namin, para dun ko makwento lahat ng pngdaanan namen at pnagdaanan ko sa kamay nya hahaha :) ika nga ng ate nya, nsakin ang sumpa hahahaha !!! Super idol ko ung mga taong kayang kaya mgmove on after break ups with theri long term bf/gfs. Ayun nga si Jaz, super idol ko sya ksi ni mnsan hndi ko nkta na nssktan sya hbng ngmomove on sya. pero sbi nya kagabi ung guy ang nkapagbreak at sobrang sakit din dw pla. Pero sobrang nabilib ako kse hndi ko sya nkta nag emo sa facebook. Kasi mnsan, katulad ko pag sobrang nssktan nko sa facebook ko nlalabas para mkhnp ng kadamay at symre dto sa aking munting blog na super english ang tema pero ngayon babaguhin ko na para mag enjoy ang babasa. :))

At nagyong umga naman dahil sa tpos na ang mga trabaho ko, ngbsa basa ako ng blog. At isa na dito si Yeng Constantino. Super nainspired ako sa mga nbasa ko imagine ang isang YENG ay isang christian. Natuwa ako at mapaluha luha kse sobrang mrami na ako namimis sa buhay ko at isa na dito ang relationship ko kay GOD. Sa totoo lang, aminado ako na nakakalimutan ko na sya, ksi msyado na ako ngffocus sa ibng bagay at un ay ang lalaking paulit ulit akong cnsktan. Sobrang nagsisi ako ksi sa dami dami ko na ipagpapalit bakit si GOd pa dba? I admit pag mlungkot ako at pag my problema lng ako nakakalapit saknya. Ang bad ko Lord,noh? Kya cguro and dmi nyo ng katok sa akin. at pananalisod para pansinin ko naman kayo. Katulad ng ibang tao madalas din ako magtnung, bakit lagi na lang ako malas pagdating sa mga decisyong pnipli ko,

bakit hndi ko matapos ang isang buong araw na hndi ako ndadapa, kung pwede lng mgng perpekto eh! Mnsan naiisip ko anung purpose ba ni God bakit nya ko gnwang ganito, bakit maganda lng ako pero hndi ako matangkad at sexy. Nkatpos lng ako pero hndi ako mayaman. May boyfriend nga ako pero hndi naman kontento sa akin. Pakiramdam ko pagod na pagod na ako ksi paulit ulit lng naman ang mga problemang dumadaan sa akin, yug tipong hello pde ba iba naman hahaha :) o kya ung mga tipong pde ba ako mgng perfect God? pra matapos na at d nkta mskatan? o kya ung mga tipong ito nnaman kala ko naovercome ko na ito? Bigla ko ito nabasa "Nothing that is held up or sustained by the eternal God can fall down… because… He never gets weak or tired… :)" kala ko dti hbng ngbbgy ng challenges c God satin nanunuod lng sya kung pano natin malalampasan lht ng problema at challenges na binabato nya. Pero nung nbsa ko sa Old testament ung sinamahan nya lhat ng tao sa gyera at hndi lng sya audience na tga cheer pero isa sya sa mga sumama sa laban. Bigla ko narealize hndi lng tlga natin kaya tlga pag wla sya. :)

Meron pa ako isang gustong ishare, naalala ko lang bgla sa diary ko ito naisulat dti at never ko makaklimutan ksi sobrang hagulgol ako hahaha :) Ang bait bait ni God ksi hndi sya nauubusan ng load pang reply sakin pag ngttxt ako sknya haha or I mean kapag kelangan ko sya alam ko lgi syang anjan para damayan ako. One time ksi sobrang depressed ako, feeling ko ngiisa na lng ako sa mundo, ung tipong kinuha ni God sa kin lahat ng mkkapagpasaya sa kin? Katulad ng pnapangarap ko na trbaho, at boyfriend ko. Gusto ko umiyak ng umiyak nung mga time na un. Ngdasal ako at humingi ako ng patawad ksi sobrang sya ko at dami ng blessings nya nakalimutan kong magpasalamat at kwentuhan sya. Nagtanung ako sknya "Lord bakit nyo po ibbgy skin pero babawiin nyo din pla, bakit po lahat nman gnwa ko pra sknya pero d prin nya ko maphalgahan" ung mga tipong emo mode ako. Habang ngddasal ako bglang tumunod ang cellphone ko, sympre nadesctruct ang lola nyo sa pagddasal, c VINCE one of my workmates at classmate at isa sa tnuturing ko na buddy christian din sya. Bnasa ko ung qoutes na forward nya, "I come to you not to love me but to let you feel your worth loving -GOD" wow napaiyak at hndi lng iyak hagulgol ako sobra ksi cngot ako ni God kala ko dat tym glt sya skn at hnd nya nko ssgutin pa. pero Mali pla ako. Lagi ko sya tntake for granted pero sya never nya ko tnake for granted. Sobrang mahal ako ni God alam ko kaya ko pngddaanan lht ng ito. :))

Sinusubukan ko po na bumalik kay papa JESUS. ♥

I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned.

           Sometimes I'm inspirations and upbeat, and sometimes I'm more depressing than even I can handle, but it doesn't even really matter. This is my blog. It's not a website to help you discover the meaning of life (I'm just as lost as you are) and it's not some emo kid's rant site (though I do rant often). It's just me. My thoughts, my feelings, my life. I'm not going to force my ideas or beliefs upon you, which you should know by now if you are a regular reader. All I ask of you is just listen. Because maybe I'm not perfect, and I'm definitely not a professional, but I do have some pretty good ideas about life. I've seen it all and there's nothing I- or anyone else- can do to undo my experiences. Someone might as well learn from them. Right? Yes. Life is a terrible, horrible, simplistic, beautiful thing. You win, you lose, you forget things, but somehow you're still alive. Sometimes how you even managed to live though it all may surprise you, but if you look back I'm sure you can figure it out. This isn't a war we're learning how to fight, it's being dropped into the water and learning- by a mix of experience and fear of drowning- how to swim. It's waking up in the middle of the night with a dry throat and knowing by instinct that you need a glass of water. It's smiling when your heart is breaking, hoping and praying that by some odd miracle it will help you feel better, yet finding yourself surprised when it actually does work. Life is a game, and it may not always be fun, but when it comes down to it everyone's a winner in the end.

I want you, the way you want her :)

A guy and his girl were standing in front of a mirror: The girl asked, "What do you see?" The guy smiled and said, "The rest of my life." ♥

Dear (you know who you are),

I do hide things from you, keep words from you, hold back thoughts from you. But I don't do it because I want to. No, that's far from the real reason because I'm dying to tell you. I tried to get myself to bring it up, but I just can't. You're so happy, so innocent, I just couldn't do it. I'm doing this for you. If you knew the truth you'd be sad. So sad, so upset, so betrayed. But would you even believe me? Or would you trust that what you know now is the real thing? I simply cannot tell and it's better this way. Better for you. I'm sorry, and I really hope you understand, but I would just like to ask you to not bring this up when we talk next. I care about you, and I don't want you to change your decisions base on me.

Yours truly,
Me

 /bye

Stop re-painting your walls they're pretty just the way they are.

 

Stop trying to change. Stop switching your thoughts to fit other people's expectations. Stop going with society and just be yourself. It's worth it. You are a good person the way you are and you do not by any means need to change.

I'm different, I'm difficult, I'm awkward.

I don't always have the right thing to say, not even most of the time, but I'm good at listening. I have trouble falling asleep at night, and my hair never falls quite the way I want it to. And my eyes are too small, but I have the brightest, straightest smile, and I've never even had braces. I can't even begin to explain the amount of times I've messed something important up, or ruined a surprise. I talk a lot, and most of the things I say are negative, but people tend to find me funny. You may not understand me, in fact, you probably won't, but the thing is, you don't have to understand every little thing I do in order to like me. Why don't people understand this? Sure, there are a million and one things wrong with me, but with every bad thing I guarantee there are two better things. So get to know me before you judge. Maybe you'll see me on a bad day, but I promise you the tomorrow that follows will be better. So let's hear it for second chances, let's hear it for fixing things that are broken, and let's hear it for taking a walk in someone else's shoes before judging them.



Me, with my best buds :)

 

me and joven :))



You know someone is a true friend when,u are about to break down&cry,but they will say the stupidest,most random thing just to see u smile♥



It's like this. When you are four you want to be a princess and nothing can stop you from ruling the perfect kingdom. At seven you're a teacher, and your students love you, because what could be more cool than learning? At ten years old it's crucial that you become a police officer, or maybe the president of the philippines. But at 18 you don't know what to do with your life, and at 22 it's even more unclear. I always thought I knew exactly what I would do with my life.

I'd be married to the perfect man, and have the perfect kids, and life would be...well, perfect. Now though, things have changed. I'm not saying I wont, but leaving doesn't seem so important anymore. I guess it's because of people I've met, or things I've been doing but I know my future is no longer sticking to the book. It's changed and it's uncertain, yet so promising, and I'm completely terrified. I don't know which direction I should go in, but somehow this doesn't bother me. Why? Because everything is going to be okay. I have a sense of trust in the things I'm doing, and I know I'll get out somehow, even if it doesn't mean physically leaving this place. And that, is amazing.

Ren and Me college days :)

"Happiness isn't about getting what you want all of the time it's about enjoying what you already have."



“I know” is different from “I can.”

Dear self. If you are prepared to suffer, happiness is right around the corner. Please, Hold on.

God gives you the people you need. To help, hurt, leave, love and make you the person you were meant to be.

 

 

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream :D

"Happiness is two kinds of ice cream
Finding your skate key, telling the time
Happiness is learning to whistle
Tying your shoe for the very first time
Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band
And happiness is walking hand in hand"

I miss singing that song :)) together with cute little kids. Its always my dream to be a Pre-school teacher, I do love kids especially children with special needs. I enjoy that kind of career, I guess but I know I need a lot of training. hahah. Pity on me huhu. I love them so much, I'm looking forward to see them again eventually, and hoping, hearing them saying again "HI Teacher Paola" with Hug and Kisses. :))

I will always be your Teacher Paola :))
I really love you all

Lots of Love,

"Pain is inevitable- suffering is optional."

Well, see I had a lot in my mind today. But because I'm busy I can't remember where they go have you seen them? hahah :)) Im dedicating this post to one of my favorite cousin. I know she'd been going through some sort of problems and challenges, and I want to let her know that though life sucks, there wll always be a person you can lean whenever your life is messed up.

It's easy to judge someone, but it's exhausting to constantly be around people who don't like you every single weekend. When you work hard at being yourself- as you have always been taught to do- your character is always at risk of being judged. You make 10 good decisions that go unnoticed, and what sticks out, what matters most is the one bad decision you have made. I'm not sure if this is just one case of people who don't like me or if I truly cannot do anything right, but whatever it is is wearing me down immensely. It feels like I can't do anything right. I used to be so good at everything but lately it seems as though everything I do ends up backfiring no matter how good I feel about it. There is a constant wetness to my eyes, a layer of tears always screaming to escape but I can't cry. I have to be strong because even if they don't like me, I like them and I don't want to ruin that. Besides, I don't want to ruin my eyeliner.

"Running was the only thing on my mind, and the only thing I wanted to do. If I walked for a short moment I started to run again. I wanted to run away from everything I've ever known, anyone Id ever loved. I needed to get away. I had to get away fast before reality pulled me back. I didnt want to belong anywhere, I wanted to be a figment of someones imagination. I wanted to disappear from this earth, I wanted to stop living, I wanted to stop existing. But really all I wanted was someone to wrap there arms around me. I wanted someone to tell me they loved me and wanted to be with me. Thats all I've ever wanted. Now that's exactly what I have..."

It's so hard to believe that only two years ago I was an empty shell. Unhappy, dark, trapped. Two years ago I felt insane and wanted nothing to do with myself. I wanted so badly to get out of my skin. Today, two years later, I am the happiest I have ever been. It took so much time and energy and a lot of hard work to get where I am today but it was all worth it. I'm slowly starting to love myself again. My whole life I have been trying to figure out who I am, and even though I'm pretty sure I'll never quite know who that is I'm happy with the person I am becoming. I've learned so much about who I am and who I want to be, and it's really paying off.


I read her blog and somehow I can relate to what she'd been going thru. I know she's strong enough, a lot stronger than me besides she's beautiful and a got a lot of talent, she can face all this struggles. Although I'm not always by your side always keep in mind that I will always be there through thick and thin. You can lean on me. :)) I miss you :)


"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust then, too- even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."


This post is dedicated to Ms. Arianne Villarosa:



Hugs and kisses,





Happiness :)))

         These last few days have been amazing. I had so much happen that I don't even know what to write about. Over all it was an eventful start to an amazing weekend. I've been addicted to twitter hahah. I dont know it's just blah blah blah tweeting with celebrities and all of a sudden they will tweet back i loved it, hahaha. Especially last time, I tweeted Jessy, who happens to be one of my favorite faces in Showbiz. I just ask her, "hi jessy anu sekreto mo para pumuti lalo?" and then out of nowhere she will tweet you back, Jessy tweets "@Sassyumi youre pretty love your own color" how sweet she is. :)) I can't moved with that hahahaha .... anyways, done with twitter thing. Moving on..A lot happened, but if I need to I will write about it in a different post.

Thanks for reading though, I appreciate it. XOXO

You kissed your fear instead of me...

Lately things started falling in to place while others fell out. This one I can't place right now. It should feel right, I know that, but it doesn't. This really isn't supposed to be how something like this should feel. It should be easy...but it's not. I'm stuck with a smile that doesn't fit me anymore. My sister and I had been chit chatting on twitter a while ago with non-sense stuff :) and plus for the fact that I'm 2 days absent at work makes me very ill. This illness is uncurable hahah. :)))) I don't like to work anymore, I dont know why, this is my weakness, I dont know what I want, I'm bipolaar hahahahah errrr... I realize that I want to study again. I'm tired of paperworks, I missed test papers and quizzes and hanging out in the library.

This morning, I felt empty. My sister mentioned on twitter that I'm immature unlike her, who is workaholic. I guess I'm not yet ready. Well, thanks to this stuff, I might feel better now :))

Please... hahaha! :))

Thanks also Ms. Jessy Mendiola for making my day beautiful. :))  (on twitter)

Have a nice day to all :)

We all want to know how it ends...

To tell you the truth I've been avoiding everything. Every feeling I don't want to feel, I've been pushing away until it eats me away from the inside out. I don't want to live this way, it's not by choice, it's just a habit I've developed over the years. A strategy to stay calm, cool, and collected. The problem is? It's working. I don't want to be the girl that keeps crying over the same things, but I can't bottle these things up anymore, and I'm not even going to try. I need to learn how to admit that things bother me, and I'm going to start now. 

Whenever something good happens in my life, someone takes it away. Am I seriously not allowed to be happy? I have the most severe feeling of anger I've felt in a long time boiling in my heart, and I can't help it. Look, I'm sorry I'm not perfect, but I'm not your freaking daughter. I am who I am, and if you can't accept that then I'm done with you.

"A guy out there was meant to be the love of your life. Your best friend, your soul mate, the one you can tell your dreams to. He'll brush the hair out of your eyes, send you flowers when you least expect it. He'll stare at you during the movies, even though he just paid $8 to see it. He'll call to say goodnight or just cause he is missing you. He'll look in your eyes and tell you, 'you're the most beautiful girl in the world,' and for the first time in your life, you'll believe it." 
-Nicholas Sparks

So, I guess my point of adding this quote wasn't because I feel this way about someone- though I really do- but to tell you that I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this, but I would just like you to know that you're beautiful and someone out there cares about you. I'm not saying we all have a secret admirer, or even an obvious one, I'm just saying that someone cares about you. Maybe it's not who you want, or in the way that you want, but in this messed up world we have to take what we can get. You never really know what's right for you until you let it happen; Then suddenly the purpose is clear, and you can be okay. Smile, alright? Life is too short to be unhappy. Some people learn this the hard way, but take it from me- you don't have to. Maybe you don't care about who likes you and wants to be in your life, that's fine, but loneliness is never good for anybody. People make the mistake of saying "I want to be alone right now," and maybe that's how they feel at the time, but no one ever really needs to be alone, and you can't always get what you want. You know, half of life is messing up, and the other half is dealing with it. It's not that we're all screw ups (though most of us feel that way all the time), it's about learning that life is full of hellos and goodbyes, and how to deal with what comes in between. It's about learning that you'll make a mistake every once in a while, and though you can't change it, it's never to late to fix it. It's about learning that life simply wants to slap you in the face...but only for your own good. Look, we're all addicted to something that takes away the pain. Let it be drinking, drugs, cutting, writing, reading, music, working, taking a bath, everyone has their own way of coping with life. It's not always good, but it's what we know how to do. It's our "plan b" when life doesn't go the way we planned. So you can sit here and ignore me, but if you've read this far then you know that this means something to you. I don't care what it is, just trust me on this one last thing: you're not alone.

It took me some time to update on my post because I'm kinda sick, sort off hahah. it's like monday sickness :) shhhhhh...  :))))))))))

"Life is full of hellos and goodbyes and how to enjoy what's in between"

Captured memonts of me & Clyde :)

A month ago She died, It's getting easier to accept that she's never coming back, but it still doesn't feel real. When am I going to wake up from this? Death happens, and it's sad, and it's painful, and it has the ability to destroy the wall you've been building, but it get's easier to accept as time goes by. Everyday you are reminded of that Dog and every time something reminds you of them it gets easier to smile at the memories. She's been a Loyal dog to us. "I miss you and sometimes I cry. Sometimes its randomly and other times I can feel it build up before it happens. Its getting easier, but that doesn't mean I miss you any less. I don't want to let go of you, but they told me its apart of life. Letting go of that one dog that has been very loyal to you doesn't mean you're forgetting and it doesn't mean you're moving on either, it means you're ready to start new. It means you're ready to smile about the past's memories, and begin making new ones. I'm letting you go. Not because I want to, but beecause I've realized you're not mine. You're God's. I'm sure you're an angel up in Heaven and its time I let you fly. I love you, and you will always be a friend."

I'm thankful that now your happy and now I have LALA in my life now.

In loving memory of clyde,

Lots of Love,

My life @ First Steps.. (Intervention and therapy center)

Do you ever have moments where you feel like your seconds from losing it? 



While I started to scan some of my wall photos on my facebook a while ago, because it's breaktime, it's only the time I can check my facebook because it's strictly not prohibited while office hours so the site is blocked. I saw the photos tagged by Jeus, one of my best buds in college and workmates before on First steps, Our, 1st company outing and team building in Mall of Asia and Star City. I misses them, Vince and Jeus. :)) Take a sneak peak to our get away last summer :)

Vince and Jeus: Kalaban ko sa Tekken haha! loser ;p

Try lang :p

Sweet ♥ hahaha!

Ginawa namin nila vince ;)) Proud! Yea

With the teachers ;)

Nagmamagaling ang bata! whaha ;))

I had a great time and I miss you sooooo much talaga! Wala na ako kakulitan. :))

See you soon......

always,