Finally, my very first blog :) Its not that I dont know how to use this stuff, its just that I dont really have time to wrote about what's happening in my life for the past 22 years of my life. For me, it becomes more difficult to share your life with others who get a chance to visit your page when you know you have done anything right, to be more complicated and worst I'm thinking that do people get interested in reading what's happening to my life? :)
But, when i got the chance to visit some blog i realize that sharing a part of you is also sharing a tip of advice that might just happen to you or anyone in the near future. One thing, i really love♥ reading blog when it comes to beauty tips, it helps me to more improve myself and gain more confidence, since my insecurity bothers me a lot :)
To get to know more about me, I'm a simple girl who lives in an emotional world full of drama. I'm a DRAMAQUEEN :) I was born for it maybe i inherit it to my mother i guess ! One thing i discover to myself is I'm suffering from a disorder "Borderline Disorder"
BORDERLINE DISORDER
DIAGNOSIS
A person with a borderline personality disorder often experiences a repetitive pattern of disorganization and instability in self-image, mood, behavior and close personal relationships. This can cause significant distress or impairment in friendships and work. A person with this disorder can often be bright and intelligent, and appear warm, friendly and competent. They sometimes can maintain this appearance for a number of years until their defense structure crumbles, usually around a stressful situation like the breakup of a romantic relationship or the death of a parent.
SYMPTOMS
Relationships with others are intense but stormy and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections. The person may manipulate others and often has difficulty with trusting others. There is also emotional instability with marked and frequent shifts to an empty lonely depression or to irritability and anxiety. There may be unpredictable and impulsive behavior which might include excessive spending, promiscuity, gambling, drug or alcohol abuse, shoplifting, overeating or physically self-damaging actions such as suicide gestures. The person may show inappropriate and intense anger or rage with temper tantrums, constant brooding and resentment, feelings of deprivation, and a loss of control or fear of loss of control over angry feelings. There are also identity disturbances with confusion and uncertainty about self-identity, sexuality, life goals and values, career choices, friendships. There is a deep-seated feeling that one is flawed, defective, damaged or bad in some way, with a tendency to go to extremes in thinking, feeling or behavior. Under extreme stress or in severe cases there can be brief psychotic episodes with loss of contact with reality or bizarre behavior or symptoms. Even in less severe instances, there is often significant disruption of relationships and work performance. The depression which accompanies this disorder can cause much suffering and can lead to serious suicide attempts.
Yes, I just discover it but I dont say that 100 % positive. Because for me, it is not normal to feel such things like suicide attempts, and worst hurting my own self everytime I feel depressed, alone, and unappreciated.
Eversince when I started to go in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years, I started to act abnormal, and due to lack of information I just ignores it. When we start dating, I was in college, 1st year to be exact and he was still in 4th year highschool. Since we start the relationship I treasure it and cherish it. Without doubt, I gave all the love i can give. But, sometimes, we fight, we make up, and then we fight.again. Thats time i started to act weird, there comes a time when I attempt to kill myself using blade to cut myself, because I dont want to lose him. And when i loose him, I will die. I'm afraid to lose him that I want to kill myself if ever i'l lose someone like him.
Thank God, I choose to sudy Psychology as my major. I got the chance to more understand myself and abnormalities I'm suffering.
When I reach 3rd year college, I discover all the personality disorder that people might have. When I read the diagnosis of Borderline Disorder, I found myself hey that's me. :) I just found out that I'm emotionally unstable.Often there is dependency, separation anxiety, unstable self-image, chronic feelings of emptiness, and threats of self-harm (suicide or self-mutilation).
Having this disorder is not a big deal to me, hey I'm still living :) Through the help of my Family, God and me (I was a BS Psychology graduate), I was able to handle everytime i suffered from the said disorder.:)
I love to share this to people who can relate to me :)
*Blogging at work*
November 27, 2010
11:45 am
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