What is the definition of life? Please, someone tell me because I'm so lost. I wasn't given an owner's manual, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing here. I'm trying to live in the moment but the past is stepping on my heels and the future is taunting me, and I guess what I'm trying to say is the moment I'm living in isn't quite what I had in mind...A friend once told me that creativeness is just a controlled version of being crazy. I guess he's right. I always imagined that Kris Aquino, Gretchen Barredo and Ruffa Guiterrez all were only crazy because they had so many creative juices flowing that their minds couldn't handle it and eventually, they just cracked. They didn't deserve the reputations they got and I still respect them even after all of the mistakes they made in their careers. All talents come at a price, isn't that easy enough to understand or will we live forever in an unfair world that discriminates against the creative people that we are becoming?
I've learned that I'm random. I've guess I have always known, but apparently the more random you are the more creative you are supposed to be. It has something to do with chemicals in the brain. I'm not a science person so I don't really understand but it seems pretty accurate to me.
Sometimes when I think about him or see his name pop up on my news feed while I'm on Facebook I remember those times we had together and become scared that I'll never find someone like him again. But the thing is, I don't want anyone like him ever again. We got a long great and he was sweet but it was all fake and why would I want to put myself through that again? Maybe it's just that I'm scared I'll never feel the same way about anyone else than I felt about him, but maybe that's okay too. All I'm sure of is I have moved on and although I think about it often, I don't miss him. Not as a boyfriend, not as a friend, not as a person. So why did I write about this? To remind the people out there that are having trouble moving on that you don't need them. There's a reason they didn't make if to your future and accepting that will make your life so much easier. If they're meant to come back they will you just have to wait for the right moment, don't force it. You are okay without them and you will survive even if it may not feel like it right now and during those moments when you feel weak and want to send that person a text or a Facebook message turn off your phone and your computer and do something that makes you happy so you remember that you can be happy without this person. You deserve better, but you can't meet the right person who will make you a happier version of yourself until you let go of the wrong one. Enough said.
Sometimes on days when I'm really bored or I wake up earlier than usual like I did today, I will sit here and read through the posts I have written in the past. Every now and then I'll come across something I wrote and not even remember writing it. Not believe that I wrote it because, no, I couldn't have written something so good, could I? But I always wonder what other people think when they read the stuff I write. So tell me, what are you thinking of when you read about my life? Do you think I'm messed up? Do you think I'm living the dream? Do you think my life is crazy? Empty? Upside down? Or do your thoughts flutter back to your own life and you think about the things you've done that brought you to where you are today. We are all so selfish in many ways, but it's not always a bad thing. Sometimes you need to think about yourself to live a successful, happy life, and that's okay. You deserve it.
What happens when what's best for you isn't the most comfortable option? I'm so scared to start over with everything but I know I have to. My life has changed so much in the last few months that I'm not quite sure how to handle all of this. So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. They way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. "Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too- even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."I have a lot to do today, so I'm going to end this post here, but check back later for more. Thanks for reading, and enjoy the rest of your lovely Thursday.
0 comments:
Post a Comment