"Without You I'll Be Miserable At Best"

Yesterday is my boyfriend's birthday, and we celebrate it last night. His friends come over and one of his friend is with his wife and son so I entertain the wife. We talk, I told her how I was envy with her because she has a cute son and how I wish I could have one too, someday hahah! :) We talk until it came to a point that she ask me, if my boyfriend had been cheating on me before, there's no hesistation, I answered her, I sad yes not once but many times :)) hahah! and of course she share her own story too.

You know, it's so weird how one minute you can be feeling helpless about something and the next second you can realize you are stronger and suddenly, you are in control. Does anyone else know that feeling? Maybe not, I don't know. It's just so amazing how someones problems can seem so huge to them but really, you can see that they aren't. Especially if you have been through a lot and know something worse than a scrape or bruise. Just something to think about...

The feeling of love is so terrifying and exciting at the same time. Feeling something so powerful but being so out of control of that feeling. Sometimes it's wonderful, and comes at the right moment and sometimes it flies in at the worst time possible and you find yourself upside down and unable to right yourself. Either way, it's powerful, and either way you have to decide which direction to turn to. Pursue or walk. There's no in between, and despite being under the false illusion that there may be, there really is no "safe" place inside any of that. When you walk you feel small, insignificant, and incredibly lonely. When you pursue it you feel alive and important, yet still so incredibly lonely. It doesn't make any sense, but it is what it is. And when you figure that out, you are free.

Bad things happen to good people, and good people move on.

I think it's crazy that no matter how many movies have the same ending they can still be amazing. Even if you can completely guess what the ending will be, you can still watch without being bored because so much in the middle is completely different. It blows my mind. I had fun today. Now though, I just want to sleep for a few days and forget a few aspects of life that are completely stressing me out. I don't need that right now. I wan't that stuff to turn it's back on me and leave me alone so I can have a peaceful new year with no drama and no pain. Just happiness, and people I care about. That is exactly what I am longing for.

Sometimes things happen that you just have to let go of. I know this as well as anyone, but, honestly, I have a problem with this. See, the philosophy of American culture is that if something doesn't go your way you ignore it. NO, the right way to do it is to acknowledge it and get over it. That way you can move on happily, without having to stress over it for the rest of your life. I mean, sure you will be bothered every now and then still but I imagine it's so much easier on your heart and soul.

When you're depressed, you expect everyone else to say the things that will make everything "okay" again. But when someone else you care about is depressed, you want so badly to know what to say, but no matter how much you try, you don't know what to say. It's so frustrating! It almost hurts me to not know what to say for once. I'm normally so good with words... I hope everyone's okay. I always say "don't worry, everything is going to be amazing." and it works for me, because I know that no matter what, it will end up being true, but not everyone has a phrase that works like that or them...This week has been crazy. I made a new friend today. Her name is Apple. It was super random and funny, but we're kinda friends now. It's pretty cool how I meet random people left and right and become close friends with most of them. It's how I am.

 

So, I've come to realize that boys just don't know when to quit. They think that telling us girls are flirting with them will make us jealous but really it either pisses us off or annoys us. It's SO stupid. I hate when guys say stuff like that. I wish people could just be real with each other instead of hiding everything behind closed doors. And liars...I mean, why lie about something that you can be honest about? Most of the time lies aren't worth it anyways. I don't get it. I mean sure, I lie about things every once in awhile, most people do. But it's so much more convieniant and easier to just be honest, even if you are hurting someone in the process. It will be better for the other person in the long run anyways. So let's vow to be as honest as possible. Agreed?

Thank you for reading have a lovely new year in advance =))

Love lots,