In love, who's hardest to compete with? Third party? Flirts? Good-lookings?
Welcome again guys to my blog =) It's been a while again.
Since we attend the wedding of my bestfriend (jean) my heart is hurting and jealous. I can't understand what I'm feeling right now, I honestly admit that I envy their wedding. I'm hoping somehow, someday sooner I will get married to to whom I really love. ♥ I'm happy with the marriage of my bestfriend, but I can't help myself to get envy. She's happy now with her life with her new family. We always dream of that, but me? how about me? I always convince myself that our relationship is okay, we had it now for 5 years. I'm happy, were happy but at some point I can't help but ask myself were really happy? were still growing together? I admit that our relationship is not perfect, we had a lot of difference. I admit he's not loyal and faithful boyfriend to me. For 5 years, I accepted the fact that our relationship is not as good as others, I also accept that I will be his only love but never the only one. And because I love him unconditionally, I learn to sacrifice, to understand and accept him with whole of my heart, but to all that I have done why he keeps ignoring and not appreciating me? He always taking me for granted? and everytime I try to end things, he keeps saying that He loves me.
I think were happy somehow, and the only problem is he's not contented and I was insecure and jealous. Nobody's perfect. I always tries to understand that some things are not meant to be, and learn to let go when its hurting you too much. To let go is not to deny but to accept.
I feel unappreciated and unloved. I always told him that its okay if you love someone else. Be honest to me. I will let you go for him to be happy. But he keep convincing me that, there's no problem, he loves me and I'm the only problem beacuse I'll always get jealous and paranaoid. I dont know what to do, and think. All I know is I'm hurting too much. I try to ignores it, but I missed him so much. The hardest part to miss someone is that you know he's just besides you but you still misses him because he's just taking you for granted. =(
All I do is to cry every night and hoping someday he will see me.
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