A Tribute =))

Here's to all the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend" one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you.

 We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking we would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and makeup & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time". Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so". The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake by ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here are for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When 'your song' comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the hell he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day you'll find a guy, who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's going to hurt like hell, & it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

"Without You I'll Be Miserable At Best"

Yesterday is my boyfriend's birthday, and we celebrate it last night. His friends come over and one of his friend is with his wife and son so I entertain the wife. We talk, I told her how I was envy with her because she has a cute son and how I wish I could have one too, someday hahah! :) We talk until it came to a point that she ask me, if my boyfriend had been cheating on me before, there's no hesistation, I answered her, I sad yes not once but many times :)) hahah! and of course she share her own story too.

You know, it's so weird how one minute you can be feeling helpless about something and the next second you can realize you are stronger and suddenly, you are in control. Does anyone else know that feeling? Maybe not, I don't know. It's just so amazing how someones problems can seem so huge to them but really, you can see that they aren't. Especially if you have been through a lot and know something worse than a scrape or bruise. Just something to think about...

The feeling of love is so terrifying and exciting at the same time. Feeling something so powerful but being so out of control of that feeling. Sometimes it's wonderful, and comes at the right moment and sometimes it flies in at the worst time possible and you find yourself upside down and unable to right yourself. Either way, it's powerful, and either way you have to decide which direction to turn to. Pursue or walk. There's no in between, and despite being under the false illusion that there may be, there really is no "safe" place inside any of that. When you walk you feel small, insignificant, and incredibly lonely. When you pursue it you feel alive and important, yet still so incredibly lonely. It doesn't make any sense, but it is what it is. And when you figure that out, you are free.

Bad things happen to good people, and good people move on.

I think it's crazy that no matter how many movies have the same ending they can still be amazing. Even if you can completely guess what the ending will be, you can still watch without being bored because so much in the middle is completely different. It blows my mind. I had fun today. Now though, I just want to sleep for a few days and forget a few aspects of life that are completely stressing me out. I don't need that right now. I wan't that stuff to turn it's back on me and leave me alone so I can have a peaceful new year with no drama and no pain. Just happiness, and people I care about. That is exactly what I am longing for.

Sometimes things happen that you just have to let go of. I know this as well as anyone, but, honestly, I have a problem with this. See, the philosophy of American culture is that if something doesn't go your way you ignore it. NO, the right way to do it is to acknowledge it and get over it. That way you can move on happily, without having to stress over it for the rest of your life. I mean, sure you will be bothered every now and then still but I imagine it's so much easier on your heart and soul.

When you're depressed, you expect everyone else to say the things that will make everything "okay" again. But when someone else you care about is depressed, you want so badly to know what to say, but no matter how much you try, you don't know what to say. It's so frustrating! It almost hurts me to not know what to say for once. I'm normally so good with words... I hope everyone's okay. I always say "don't worry, everything is going to be amazing." and it works for me, because I know that no matter what, it will end up being true, but not everyone has a phrase that works like that or them...This week has been crazy. I made a new friend today. Her name is Apple. It was super random and funny, but we're kinda friends now. It's pretty cool how I meet random people left and right and become close friends with most of them. It's how I am.

 

So, I've come to realize that boys just don't know when to quit. They think that telling us girls are flirting with them will make us jealous but really it either pisses us off or annoys us. It's SO stupid. I hate when guys say stuff like that. I wish people could just be real with each other instead of hiding everything behind closed doors. And liars...I mean, why lie about something that you can be honest about? Most of the time lies aren't worth it anyways. I don't get it. I mean sure, I lie about things every once in awhile, most people do. But it's so much more convieniant and easier to just be honest, even if you are hurting someone in the process. It will be better for the other person in the long run anyways. So let's vow to be as honest as possible. Agreed?

Thank you for reading have a lovely new year in advance =))

Love lots,

Little things still remind me of you but the difference is I don't miss you anymore.

Ever feel something so powerful it knocks you off your feet? Maybe a bad feeling like anger or sadness or maybe a good one such as happiness or ecstasy. Does it remind you of another moment where you felt something different or is it new? I always feel so ripped off when I feel amazing before realizing that I only feel that way because it reminds me of a moment when I felt the same way. It's cheap happiness or cheap anger. I don't want it. I'm all for feeling things but only if those emotions are real. Enjoy every moment, good and bad, because you never know when (if) you'll feel that way again. You may think you don't want to be sad ever again but if you don't remember what it's like to feel bad, you can't ever fully enjoy good feelings.

 

Love is something that can only be felt, not described. You can try to fit words to the feeling but somehow you always come up short because so much is lost in translation. Your definition is different from the next person's and theirs different from the next. Love is a smell, a sound, a word that reminds you of that person. Everything reminds you of them but you don't mind because a thought that isn't about them is a wasted thought. Love is a mystical, powerful and real. "There is something there. There may be evolutionary mechanisms and there are certainly biochemical mechanisms but somehow...there's a little bit of magic in it too."

This, I'm sure was remind me that you don't need people in your life who bring you down, make fun of you, or argue with you about everything. You don't need the ones who try to make your "friendship" a competition. You don't need the people who complain about their own "issues" so often that they don't realize that you are upset, or lie to you over and over to make you feel sorry for them and then tell you they don't want you to feel sorry for them. You don't need them. I don't need them. No one does. Maybe they don't realize what they are doing, maybe they do. But what I know is that the more you go back to them, the more you egg on their behaivor, the more they will do what they are doing. We don't need to worry about these people, they will end up alone and that is when they will realize that they were doing something wrong. So live your life to the fullest and when you run into these people, just walk away.

"Beautiful things often happen when you just don't know anymore."
<3

"My days were full, yet I remained, much of the time, unsatisfied. What happened to me?"

So I've been feeling completely uninspired to write lately, but I decided that I'm going to keep this blog instead of deleting it like I earlier planned. I used to update every single day, but I've run out of things to say and I just can't do it anymore, but I sure will try my best.

I recently read somewhere that the ending is never happy. But if that's the case, then what are we living for? I figure it's the happy moments we face along the way and the challenges that make us stronger both inside and out, but it doesn't seem like enough. Am I so selfish that nothing is ever enough for me? Even life isn't enough to satisfy me, and I feel so bad saying this but I'm being honest and my truths are sad.

"There will always be something positive in every bad situation.

Even a dead clock shows the right time twice a day."

 

It's funny how times change and people change but we are all still the same. The funniest thing about life is how hard is always seems at the moment, but when you look back on it you think "oh, hey, that wasn't so bad." But it's not because it was any easier then, it's because you've already conquered it. We are always looking back to find clues about what is waiting ahead and are surprised when we don't find what we were looking for. Life will always be hard, there is no escaping it. You just have to do the best you can under the circumstances, and take the lessons you have already learned to apply them to your future. The most helpful advice you could ever give to another person seeking wisdom is to never look back because something might be gaining on you. Remember all that you've learned from making mistakes, and share the knowledge with others but let them make and learn from their own mistakes.

 

Love life, engage in it, give it all you've got. Live it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.

 

 

Do you ever have moments where you feel like your seconds from losing it?

There is something more powerful than actual love out there, and I am lucky enough to have that. Society plays out love as sex and the only thing that keep couples like that together is being able to put up with each other. But with real love, the kind we share, it's not only putting up with each other but being there for each other and helping to make each other a better person. It's not about two separate parts and two separate people like society makes love seem, but rather one part that two people come together to make. And to anyone else who hasn't experienced this "super love" it has got to sound completely insane, but for those of us who are in the middle of it, it not only makes perfect sense, but it's beautiful as well. And when you are in love, nothing anybody says can change how you feel around that person, or what you do with them. And when you are apart from them, nothing anyone says can change the pain you feel from missing them, because it completely consumes you. And when they hurt, you hurt, and nothing anyone says can convince you that it's not your fault. It's so funny how someone you love could destroy you in a second if they wanted to, and you give them the power to do so, trusting them with every fiber of your being. The love you feel for them molds into that trust, and suddenly you find yourself happy with them. And when you look at them, you realize they are the most amazing person in the world. They speed up time and slow it down at the same time. When you realize you can't wake up next to them, you wake up to hoping to find a text from them instead, and the best part of your morning is the greeting they virtually sent your way. When you can't kiss them goodnight, you stay up talking to them on the phone until they fall asleep, even if your eyes are burning from exhaustion. You give up so many things for this person but you don't even mind because if they aren't happy, you are nothing but in pain, and their smile that comes as a result of it is totally worth it.

  You know what? Everyone is beautiful. And no one has the right to make anyone feel like they are not. It's like, she doesn't have the right hair and his teeth aren't straight so they are ugly. But they are. She's beautiful, and he's handsome, just in their own ways. Those people who spend hundreds of dollars getting their faces knocked at with hammers and look down on people if they don't? They are the ugly ones, and not because of the way that they look. They are ugly because they don't see the true meaning of beauty. And it's sad. It's quite sad to see a lost heart in the throng of thousands of people like that, but maybe they are happy with the way their lives are going. Just don't count on them to tell you the truth.

Sometimes you have to remember the good stuff. The little things like a strangers smile, the feel of silk against your bare skin, or an extra long session with your therapist. Because these things? Well, they are the only things keeping you alive.

It's taken me 22 years to realize that I'll never be perfect. I've lived such a long life, but I have many more years to live through, and although I wont reach the perfection I'm aiming for, I have people that make me feel perfect in all the ways that count. Lately I feel 10 years older than I really am but it's in such a good way that I don't even care. I'm just so happy with the life and challenges I've been given. So many problems I'm being forced to overcome and each of them making me stronger. I love most of the people I am surrounded by and though life could be better, I'm not complaining.

Open wounds they turn into scars; In time they heal like broken hearts

I've found that I'm really good at writing when I'm depressed but not so much when I'm happy. This is quite unfortunate because the happy moments are the ones I tend to want to write about and being depressed and reading about it gets old after awhile. Anyways, my point is that you may have to bear with me- and my uninteresting writing- for awhile since my mood is great and I don't think that's going to change any time soon.

What is the definition of life? Please, someone tell me because I'm so lost. I wasn't given an owner's manual, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing here. I'm trying to live in the moment but the past is stepping on my heels and the future is taunting me, and I guess what I'm trying to say is the moment I'm living in isn't quite what I had in mind...A friend once told me that creativeness is just a controlled version of being crazy. I guess he's right. I always imagined that Kris Aquino, Gretchen Barredo and Ruffa Guiterrez all were only crazy because they had so many creative juices flowing that their minds couldn't handle it and eventually, they just cracked. They didn't deserve the reputations they got and I still respect them even after all of the mistakes they made in their careers. All talents come at a price, isn't that easy enough to understand or will we live forever in an unfair world that discriminates against the creative people that we are becoming?

 

I've learned that I'm random. I've guess I have always known, but apparently the more random you are the more creative you are supposed to be. It has something to do with chemicals in the brain. I'm not a science person so I don't really understand but it seems pretty accurate to me.

 

Sometimes when I think about him or see his name pop up on my news feed while I'm on Facebook I remember those times we had together and become scared that I'll never find someone like him again. But the thing is, I don't want anyone like him ever again. We got a long great and he was sweet but it was all fake and why would I want to put myself through that again? Maybe it's just that I'm scared I'll never feel the same way about anyone else than I felt about him, but maybe that's okay too. All I'm sure of is I have moved on and although I think about it often, I don't miss him. Not as a boyfriend, not as a friend, not as a person. So why did I write about this? To remind the people out there that are having trouble moving on that you don't need them. There's a reason they didn't make if to your future and accepting that will make your life so much easier. If they're meant to come back they will you just have to wait for the right moment, don't force it. You are okay without them and you will survive even if it may not feel like it right now and during those moments when you feel weak and want to send that person a text or a Facebook message turn off your phone and your computer and do something that makes you happy so you remember that you can be happy without this person. You deserve better, but you can't meet the right person who will make you a happier version of yourself until you let go of the wrong one. Enough said.

 

Sometimes on days when I'm really bored or I wake up earlier than usual like I did today, I will sit here and read through the posts I have written in the past. Every now and then I'll come across something I wrote and not even remember writing it. Not believe that I wrote it because, no, I couldn't have written something so good, could I? But I always wonder what other people think when they read the stuff I write. So tell me, what are you thinking of when you read about my life? Do you think I'm messed up? Do you think I'm living the dream? Do you think my life is crazy? Empty? Upside down? Or do your thoughts flutter back to your own life and you think about the things you've done that brought you to where you are today. We are all so selfish in many ways, but it's not always a bad thing. Sometimes you need to think about yourself to live a successful, happy life, and that's okay. You deserve it.

 

What happens when what's best for you isn't the most comfortable option? I'm so scared to start over with everything but I know I have to. My life has changed so much in the last few months that I'm not quite sure how to handle all of this. So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they

think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. They way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. "Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too- even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."

 

 

I have a lot to do today, so I'm going to end this post here, but check back later for more. Thanks for reading, and enjoy the rest of your lovely Thursday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The shot at Happiness it did never exist

Your whole life you've never taken shit from anyone and all of a sudden his apologies mean the world to you. Not because you've accepted his wrong doings, but because you have learned to work around them. Suddenly that wall you've spent so long building and perfecting is becoming a struggle to keep up with and is quickly coming down. You're in love, and you're enjoying every moment.

Same boy, same story. Unrequited feelings. Misunderstood personality. Constantly thinking about him. Brown hair, brown eyes, bright laugh that brings a smile to my face. . Staying up until 2 a.m. talking about anything. But by default, because I like him, he doesn't like me, I guess.

I wouldn't dare ruin my make-up with tears but the emotional pain is tearing me up inside. As he rubs my back, as he flirts, as I think about it all while at the same time I'm a failure at my work. I think about getting up, walking out and away from the one who refuses to trust me yet finds it safe to flirt with me until the moment that I break down. But what would that prove? Nothing. Which is exactly what I have to lose...

There's a chance that he's talking about me, but I'm not setting myself up for anymore pain. So for now I will assume it's her that he's talking about.

I really hope today will be a good day though all the signs point in the wrong direction, and it all started last night with his unfaithful decision of broken trust and testy lacks of the ability to love.

Sometimes I wonder why you stay sad, When you're so beautiful...

"The happiness you feel today is part of the pain you feel later and the pain you feel now is part of the happiness you will later feel." 

-C.S. Lewis

I guess I'll never know what made you believe that I would let you control me the way you tried to but you were dead wrong. I'm a lot stronger than I look and although I do break down occasionally just like everyone else, I am most definitely capable of holding it together when it matters the most. I guess I'll never know what made you lie, but whatever the reason it's you whose getting hurt now, not me. I am lovely and I am loved and I know its true so telling me otherwise is a waste of your time. I love my boyfriend and my friends and the people who surround me and everyone else who wants to bring me down can give up now because it's most definitely not working.


There are things I've done and said that I regret, but really, I don't regret that I regret them. I always said that you should never regret anything in life, especially if it made you happy, but now I don't feel like it's true. A few months ago I wrote down in my journal "If you look to the past and see no mistakes, no enemies, and no regrets, then you are certainly doing something wrong," and honestly, I feel that's more accurate. If we don't regret anything then what do we learn from? Because stuff happens and eventually you get over it. And eventually it doesn't matter anymore. And eventually everything you thought to be of the utmost importance falls through the cracks and you start fresh with new regrets until every last mistake has been remade. It's life, and it's beautiful, and sometimes it sucks. True story.

I'm an extrovert, ready for a second chance

Normally my head is spinning with thoughts, but today it's silent. I thought it was impossible to be so numb you can't even think, but now I understand. I've never heard silence quite this loud.

This morning I woke up empty. Empty of feelings. Empty of hope. Empty of love. Then I started to feel like I could be okay. Like I would be okay. But I was wrong. It came and gone so fast I'm not even sure it was really ever there. But what surprises me the most is that people see right through me. I thought I was doing a decent job at smiling and pretending everything was okay, but everyone kept asking what was wrong, and they didn't believe me when I said I was fine. I just want to be happy again.


I can't write this story with a happy ending.

"If you love someone, you are willing to give up everything for that person. When they love you back, they wont ask you to."

Everyone keeps asking if I'm okay. The answer is no. No, I'm not okay. Can I complain? Can I please just...rant for a second? Because I am not okay. I miss summer, and I miss being happy, and more than anything in the world right now, I need a hug. I feel empty, shriveled up, and numb. Like there is nothing to me except for this sadness and him, and I imagine this is how an old person who has lost everything would feel. I'm messed up, and I don't know how to be fixed. Nothing is helping. Help me?

Well, I don't know what to say except that anyone who thinks they know what is right for someone, you don't. No one knows except for that person. Sure, you can pretend to care but when it comes down to it, it's your actions that will be the real deal breaker. If you want respect, you have to earn it.

Simply put, I feel sick, and I need an escape. 

I want a perfect ending, and I'm learning the hard way that my "happily ever after" isn't always going to be exactly what I expected, but it doesn't make it any less amazing. Some poems won't rhyme and some stars won't shine any brighter than the night light that's plugged into my wall but I can still find my way home. I'm so immature, but I'm changing and I'm being molded slowly into the person I want to be for the rest of my life. I have some idea of who I want to be sure, but I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to get there.

Optimists tend to see the beauty in the world and all of it's surroundings, breathing in the air around them and enjoying the colors of the earth. Pessimistic people see no point in the extras.There's a lot that could be said for the line of events that happened recently, but I find myself not wanting to talk about it. I hope this doesn't confuse anyone too badly, but I need to talk about it without talking about it. I feel lost. It's so confusing because there's this piece of me missing and I can't decided if it's a good or bad thing, or if I like it or not.

HS reunion

Right to Left: Kristel, Mai, Loida, Me, Igoy =)

Were the original barkadas in our batch, I just remember =)

I thought I will not able to attend this event, but thanks to my Boyfriend he allowed me even it is limited hours only, take note only 1 hour and 30 minutes hahaha! but it was fun although something happen, my boyfriend and I had misunderstandings, while mags our classmate, one of the coordinator of the event lost Php 2,000 during the party. Somehow, I enjoy and misses some of my classmates.

"Home is where I can look and feel ugly and enjoy it." Being with them, is like your HOME, you don't need to pretend to be someone else, just the way you are is all it takes. =)

Thank you for reading =)

Because Jealousy is a bitch

Remember that time in college when you had been dating a boy for a very long 5 years or so and one random Thursday night your sister see him chatting with some girl in a fastfood. Remember how you went totally bonkers and went into a blacked out jealous rage? And of course he tells you that they were just talking about none sense stuffs and that the two of them are just friends. And you believe him because after all, you've been with him for a very serious 5 years. And then two days later he messed up with you and dumps you after work and you hear via a very intense cafeteria convo that the two of them are dating in some part of Calamba (baywalk) and you want to turn into a tater tot on your lunch tray rather than attempt to make it through the rest of the day.

That is sort of how my life feels right now only maybe not SO dramatic. But fairly close. I have been know to be a wee bit dramatic and emotional. Hah.

My friends say my feelings are totally justified. Boys say I am overreacting. It's your classic battle of the sexes.

I hate feeling jealous. And I hate feeling insecure. And I hate it even more that someone that is practically a stranger has the ability to fuck up a part of my life THIS much.

When it comes to relationships and breakups I am usually always the loser. I always seem to be the one that ends up alone and sad.

Life, jealousy (and bitches) sure are a bitch sometimes.

The wedding pictures =)

Here's the pictures taken from cathy's cellphone =)

I got the bouquet from the Bride =)
And, So my boyfriend got the garter from the Groom =) super cheesy hahahaha!

December 18, 2010
Jean & Jon Nuptial
Best wishes ♥♥♥

RELATIONSHIP STATUS : Taking for granted

In love, who's hardest to compete with? Third party? Flirts? Good-lookings?

Welcome again guys to my blog =) It's been a while again.

Since we attend the wedding of my bestfriend (jean) my heart is hurting and jealous. I can't understand what I'm feeling right now, I honestly admit that I envy their wedding. I'm hoping somehow, someday sooner I will get married to to whom I really love. ♥ I'm happy with the marriage of my bestfriend, but I can't help myself to get envy. She's happy now with her life with her new family. We always dream of that, but me? how about me? I always convince myself that our relationship is okay, we had it now for 5 years. I'm happy, were happy but at some point I can't help but ask myself were really happy? were still growing together? I admit that our relationship is not perfect, we had a lot of difference. I admit he's not loyal and faithful boyfriend to me. For 5 years, I accepted the fact that our relationship is not as good as others, I also accept that I will be his only love but never the only one. And because I love him unconditionally, I learn to sacrifice, to understand and accept him with whole of my heart, but to all that I have done why he keeps ignoring and not appreciating me? He always taking me for granted? and everytime I try to end things, he keeps saying that He loves me.

I think were happy somehow, and the only problem is he's not contented and I was insecure and jealous. Nobody's perfect. I always tries to understand that some things are not meant to be, and learn to let go when its hurting you too much. To let go is not to deny but to accept.

I feel unappreciated and unloved. I always told him that its okay if you love someone else. Be honest to me. I will let you go for him to be happy. But he keep convincing me that, there's no problem, he loves me and I'm the only problem beacuse I'll always get jealous and paranaoid. I dont know what to do, and think. All I know is I'm hurting too much. I try to ignores it, but I missed him so much. The hardest part to miss someone is that you know he's just besides you but you still misses him because he's just taking you for granted. =(

All I do is to cry every night and hoping someday he will see me.



Dream Job =)

It took me a while to think of a good topic to write on my blog. And then it came to a point that I started to miss something that I enjoy doing before. So I decided to blog it since it is an informative topic =)

When  I was a child, I told my mom that someday I want to be a doctor of dogs, A Veterinarian. =) I do remember one time when our dog is sick, benjie is his name. Benjie chew something that make him sick. We can't do anything even Dad. Our nanny can't do anything too. My dad keep saying that there's nothing to worry about he will be just fine. Then when we got home from school, when we're about to check if Benjie's okay, we notice that he's not there. I ran to our nanny and we saw her crying. I ask her, why? Does benjie died? and when she was about to answer, my tears falls down on my face. I can't describe the feeling of losing our dog. My twin sister and I ran to our bestfriend (Micah) to tell the sad news. I told myself that it will never happen again so I decided that I want to be a Vet =)

When I reached highschool, things change. =) I realize that I want to be a Doctor. This time not on animals but on children with dissabilities. I told again myself that when I reached college I will take up Psychology as a major. The other reason why I want to choose that course it finds me interesting and there's a lot of question that needed an answer =)

When I reached college, I took up BS Psychology in Pamantasan ng Cabuyao. I enjoy the course and become very interested and some of questions are answered. When I reached 4th year, we are all required to take OJT in 3 settings: Clinical, Industrial and Educational.  Of all the 3 settings, I enjoy the most is the Clinical setting. In clinical setting we can choose among SPED (Special Education-Children w/ dissabilities), Rehab, and Home for the aged. I was assigned in SPED, were I will be the assistant teacher. I thought it was easy, but as days passes they started to adopt to us, Since they're behavior are patterned. Children with autism have social impairments and often lack the intuition about others that many people take for granted. Unusual social development becomes apparent early in childhood. Autistic infants show less attention to social stimuli, smile and look at others less often, and respond less to their own name. Autistic toddlers differ more strikingly from social norms; for example, they have less eye contact and turn taking, and are more likely to communicate by manipulating another person's hand. Three- to five-year-old autistic children are less likely to exhibit social understanding, approach others spontaneously, imitate and respond to emotions, communicate nonverbally, and take turns with others. However, they do form attachments to their primary caregivers. Most autistic children display moderately less attachment security than non-autistic children, although this difference disappears in children with higher mental development or less severe ASD. Older children and adults with ASD perform worse on tests of face and emotion recognition. There are many anecdotal reports, but few systematic studies, of aggression and violence in individuals with ASD. The limited data suggest that, in children with mental retardation, autism is associated with aggression, destruction of property, and tantrums. A 2007 study interviewed parents of 67 children with ASD and reported that about two-thirds of the children had periods of severe tantrums and about one-third had a history of aggression, with tantrums significantly more common than in non-autistic children with language impairments.

I learned a lot from staying with children with autism and being with Teachers and Therapist. I started to become interested to becoming a Teacher or Therapist, My dream Job =)

For me, no one can describe the feeling of seeing them on a regular school someday with normal student and all because you help them through early intervention. =)

I was inspired by this child named 'Ethan'. His case is Autism Spectrum.

Above photo: Repetitively stacking or lining up objects is a behavior occasionally associated with individuals with autism.

Thank you for reading =))

Higschools good friends :)

Me, Igoy, Rj, Jovan and Thel ♥

Last Sunday, December 14, 2010 just chillin' with our highschool friends =)

It was fun! Although I missed some of my old classmates because I was not able to attend the meeting for our Highschool Reunion because my 'boyfriend' wouldn't allow me so I just wait for him to go (he has also to attend his own meeting with his brotherhood) =) hahahaha!

I enjoy guys! 

Sometimes it's not bad to go out with your old friends although my boyfriend would kill me if he saw this picture =)

My boyfriend didn't know anything about this hehehe!

5th anniversary gift :)

Here's my anniversary gift to my boyfriend last December 8, 2010

Total cost: P 600.00 only

My boyfriend was surprised :) I think he love it i guess? hahaha!

We celebrate our 5th anniversary in SM Sta.Rosa, dine in GREENWICH. :) yumyum!

Just a usual date, but special as long as I'm with him it will always be a special day to me (cheesy) hahaha! ♥♥♥

Bonding with LaLa ♥

Saturday evening, home alone with lala. :))

Lala is a little bit sleepy HAHAH! :))

Say Cheese Lala :)

A movie I'll fall inlove with over and over again ♥

A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?

I remember one night, I'm so bored, home alone lying in the bed just scanning channels from the TV, then I switch to HBO. This movie caught my attention, there's a dog and because I'm a dog lover ♥ I'm quite interested to the movie. The movie is "Marley & Me" about a labrador dog which adopted by two couples. Someone suggest that they adopt a dog with a view to making them realize whether or not they were both ready to start a family. The couple ultimately choose Marley (so named after the legendary Bob Marley), a tiny yellow Labrador retriever who made it perfectly clear that he was incapable of being corrected from the outset. Ms. Kornblut is a dog trainer and the Grogan’s leave the dog with her, but after repeatedly choosing to ignore her commands, she expels him from her class.

At work, John is offered a bi-weekly column in which he can talk about the fun and trivia that everyday life can bring, and although he struggles for ideas at first, he soon realizes that he could talk about the tales of Marley and ran it by the Editor (Arnie Klein) who agrees. Marley continues with his antics and provides John with an endless stream of material for his newspaper column which really grabs the readers’ attention and ultimately does wonders for the newspaper’s reputation.

Meanwhile, Jenny discovers that she is pregnant but loses the baby early in the pregnancy. John and Jenny decide to go on a belated honeymoon to Ireland, leaving Marley in the hands of a young woman who finds the dog incontrollable, particularly during the thunderstorms. Shortly after the couple return from Ireland, Jenny discovers that she is pregnant and goes on to give birth to a son named Patrick.

He is soon followed by another boy, Connor and Jenny decides to give up work and stay at home full time with her children. Needing more space, the family move to a larger home in Boca Raton. A daughter, Colleen, is soon welcomed to the family and this is when the onset of Jenny’s post natal depression began. Jenny denies her illness at first and takes her emotions out on John and Marley. John asks Sebastian to care for Marley when Jenny makes it clear that they should give him away, but she soon realizes that Marley is a part of their family and she gives in and says that he can stay.

John was growing tired of his job and when he reached 40 years old eating food from healthy cookbooks, decided that it was time for a change. With his wife’s blessing, he accepted a post with the Philadelphia Inquirer and the family moved to Pennsylvania. Life seems to be the best it has been in a long time for the family until the signs of aging become evident in Marley.

First he is struck with arthritis and deafness, followed by a gastric dilation volvulus that nearly takes his life but he makes a full recovery with health food recipes. Unfortunately, Marley experiences a second attack and there is nothing more that can be done for him. Marley is put to sleep with John by his side and the family bury their beloved Marley beneath a tree in their front garden.


‎"A person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things-a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty."

— John Grogan (Marley & Me: Love and Life with the World's Worst Dog)



I admit and honestly tell you guys that I was crying throughout the movie. I can't help myself crying. I feel the heart of the movie and its so great to realize that in time you feel alone, you feel you are not appreciated, you feel emptiness, you feel you sacrifice all but you are always taken for granted by people you expect to appreciate you, always remember this saying "A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. "

Everytime I remember or even read or watch this movie again I still cry out loud :) I love dogs, I care and love my dogs with all my heart. I appreciate every piece of them. You don't need to buy them expensive things, or sacrifice everything for them to be happy just rub their forehead and they will be just fine ♥ or just a water to drink they will appreciate it. Then they will let you feel extraordinary special when they start to wag their tails and lick your face to death everytime you'll go home. :)

It was really quite simple, and yet we humans, so much wiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not. Sometimes it took a dog with bad breath, worse manners, and pure intentions to help us see.

Me with my dog LALA ♥ (Buch Bday's gift)

Thank you for reading happy weekend :)